Love Money Passion with DeShelle Burrowes

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When things are going great in a relationship, it feels beneficial to both partners, but when it’s bad, the couple suffers tremendously, sometimes one more than the other. A power struggle can begin when one person holds out or checks out emotionally. This sort of undermining can cause friction and result in a disconnect; emotionally and physically. When the relationship’s turmoil is heavy, the communication needs to be increased in order to keep the bond. When the bond is broken it can affect the passion and intimacy.

Bonds break down when partners become lazy and forget to put in effort. Like a job, relationships require consistent attention. There must be systems in place to help maintain the friendship, the love, and the passion. Knowing your partner’s love language is an important factor to successfully maintain your relationship. Everybody gives and receives loves in a different way, but when you know a person’s love language you learn to love them the way they need to be loved.

In this episode we also addressed how trauma impacts the passion in a relationship. A trauma-impacted person may not be accustomed to the right kind of love, making it tough for their partner to reassure them that past hurt won’t persist within the current relationship. No matter how difficult, there has to be an emotional engagement for the couple to survive in marriage, but that can trigger a vulnerability that reignites the traumatic experience. And of course, being vulnerable makes you an easy target of potential harm. This can be difficult for anyone but is especially difficult for trauma survivors.

Sharing traumatic experiences and mental illness can help the couple better understand each other and push through difficult times together. This is why it is imperative for communication to be the basis of a relationship. The person who is trauma-impacted has to process the experience and the supportive partner has to be a nonjudgmental listener to grasp the depth of the trauma being revealed.

“Everything has to stem from this person you said “I do” to.”

Today’s Love and Money ideas:

What are the takeaways?

  • A healthy sexual relationship is a guiding assessment of how well the relationship is doing outside of the bedroom. Withholding sex for any reason could be a painful rejection. Whether intentional or not, the lack of sex in your marriage is a reason to dig deeper into the root of the refusal.
  • Identify the trauma that you are dealing with so you can share it with your spouse and begin to emotionally heal from that pain. When your spouse knows what you went through in your past, they can become more sensitive to how they approach their needs in order to help you unpack the baggage that you’ve held on to.
  • In the moments of financial strife, communicating your feelings can offer a restorative comfort to cope with the situation. It will challenge the couple to be resourceful and brainstorm new ways of spending time together.
  • “For better or worse” is an intense statement that has to be upheld in times of despair. Tough times reveal who a person is and how dedicated they are to their spouse and the marriage. If you focus on the vows that you made to each other, every rocky stage that you go through can be managed proactively.

5-Minute Activation:  
Feeling anxiety and stress over money? In today’s 5-Minute Activation I give 3 areas where I see patients have the most money anxiety and tips on how to reduce it. Go to to join the Prosperity Club and get more tools.

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Next Episode Preview:

Many couples conflict over when to have children or to have children at all. When’s the right time, financially, to start a family? Can children ruin the love in marriage? Is it better to wait or jump right in to having children? Anne Coffman a new mom talks about her experience with marriage and how she and her husband waited until they could mentally and emotionally afford children rather than just focusing on being financially ready.


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Comment (1)
Nancey / May 26, 2018

This is an awesome and very relevant discussion. If we addressed these issues BEFORE the ceremony, marriage would be forever!!!


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